© COPYRIGHT: Michael L. S. -- 2004, 2005, 2006
NO content of these pages may be used without my prior consent.
RECENT POSTS:
- Ante Gotovina and the ICTY
- Verities of Life... EU Expansion
- Arutz Sheva OUTRAGE; Azam Azam Is Free; Disengagem...
- Totally Crappy Movies; Miss World
- CHANUKAH ALERT!!
- In Memoriam: Yana Kaplan N"E
- Great News!!!
- OUTRAGE: Settlers Attack Tzahal and Palestinians
- Who's the Real Criminal Here? (And Blair's "moral...
- Legacy of Yasser Arafat
Verities of Life Part Deux; Grammar Warning
Posted on: Wednesday, December 22, 2004
Oy, oy, oy... I got some fierce reactions to my penultimate piece (the "don't trust anyone" one). What was so "offensive" about it?! Come on, people, work with me here. I didn't necessarily say that one shouldn't trust anybody but oneself. (And it damn well certainly wasn't meant to give a cue to "Jesus" freaks to start flooding me with their "'god' will never fail you" shtick.
) I said that, ultimately, (ULTIMATELY!), one can only be sure in oneself. And that is true. If you can't see it, then sorry but you you're living in a different world. Fact is, you can neither set nor determine another individual's thoughts, feelings, intentions, reasoning, perceptions, convictions, priorities, etc. And as a result, people can surprise you. Duh. So can events. Duh! And therefore, my very simple point was: do not unconditionally rely on a person to do something or be somehow and do not so rely on events taking a particular course because, sooner or later, THEY WILL FAIL YOU. It's happened to me with people and with events. Fortunately, the first lesson taught me what to do and I wasn't thrown off significantly on subsequent occasions.
I know several people who'd staked everything (or most of it) on their studies. And for one reason or another (illness, depression, or because they just weren't good enough) they were unsuccessful in their quest for academic excellence which then brought on depression, aimlessness, self-destructiveness and the rest of it. Of course one should seek out true love, quality friends or a purpose in life. But one should not cede to them the responsibility for or expectations from life! That way, if a friend deserts you, your "perfect" relationship breaks down or you don't get that "dream job", your life will not be put on hold or, worse, fall apart altogether. I had this relationship with a girl; we'd been together for two and a half years, had been close friends for three and a half and had known each other for almost five and a half years. I realized eventually that she'd been playing games with me (ie. was insincere) and I had to put a stop to it. It was the single most painful thing I had to do. She was, for all intents and purposes, my first love. She was the one I thought was "THE ONE." The whys and wherefores are irrelevant; the point is that it didn't work out as I had hoped AND ENVISAGED it would (to my long-term benefit). It was heartbreaking. But it didn't shatter me, nor should it have, (a) because I had kind of expected it (the signs had been unmistakably there for months), and (b) because it is of perfectly no benefit to retrospect in any way except to learn from one's mistakes, if any. Funnily enough, I haven't given up on finding that one true love.
Now, the thing about (not) giving people another chance. All right, perhaps I came across as too harsh on that. I don't think one should sever a person who screws up, be it once, be it twice, be it more times. But with every such failure it is only natural that the level of trust on your part would be severely impaired. People who lie to you, betray you, abandon you, ignore you or otherwise let you down have to be genuinely sorry in order to merit resuming their erstwhile position in your life. Of course, since--if you'll forgive my chauvinism for a moment
--"words are men's daughters, but G-d's sons are things" (ie. deeds), saying "Boohoo, I'm sorry" can not cut it in even slightly serious situations. The action of recompense has to be proportional to AND EXCEED the offending act. Only that way can one be sure that the offending party has truly experienced remorse. (More on this in one of my subsequent pieces on the futility of the punitive criminal justice system.) If you reinstate someone in your life on the basis of sentiment and a few apologies, then sorry but you're a fool. But either way, do NOT let ANY derogations of necessity from your plan(s) throw you off. I'm just saying: expect the unexpected, don't put all your eggs in one basket, and if one of the baskets should fall and its eggs get broken, you can then pick up where you left off sans difficulte.
OK, before this blog becomes an online Oprah show, I'll move on.
Oh, and I got one e-mail lambasting my grammar. OK, not lambasting; just pointing out I had some spelling errors. So I reread a few of my previous posts and it turned out the person was correct. I couldn't believe some of the mistakes I'd made. Well, for all previous and future such instances I apologize. I am, however, way too busy to read each installment several times to be able to spy each little error. Live with it!
Kol tuv!!
Posted on: Wednesday, December 22, 2004
ב''ה
Oy, oy, oy... I got some fierce reactions to my penultimate piece (the "don't trust anyone" one). What was so "offensive" about it?! Come on, people, work with me here. I didn't necessarily say that one shouldn't trust anybody but oneself. (And it damn well certainly wasn't meant to give a cue to "Jesus" freaks to start flooding me with their "'god' will never fail you" shtick.
) I said that, ultimately, (ULTIMATELY!), one can only be sure in oneself. And that is true. If you can't see it, then sorry but you you're living in a different world. Fact is, you can neither set nor determine another individual's thoughts, feelings, intentions, reasoning, perceptions, convictions, priorities, etc. And as a result, people can surprise you. Duh. So can events. Duh! And therefore, my very simple point was: do not unconditionally rely on a person to do something or be somehow and do not so rely on events taking a particular course because, sooner or later, THEY WILL FAIL YOU. It's happened to me with people and with events. Fortunately, the first lesson taught me what to do and I wasn't thrown off significantly on subsequent occasions.
I know several people who'd staked everything (or most of it) on their studies. And for one reason or another (illness, depression, or because they just weren't good enough) they were unsuccessful in their quest for academic excellence which then brought on depression, aimlessness, self-destructiveness and the rest of it. Of course one should seek out true love, quality friends or a purpose in life. But one should not cede to them the responsibility for or expectations from life! That way, if a friend deserts you, your "perfect" relationship breaks down or you don't get that "dream job", your life will not be put on hold or, worse, fall apart altogether. I had this relationship with a girl; we'd been together for two and a half years, had been close friends for three and a half and had known each other for almost five and a half years. I realized eventually that she'd been playing games with me (ie. was insincere) and I had to put a stop to it. It was the single most painful thing I had to do. She was, for all intents and purposes, my first love. She was the one I thought was "THE ONE." The whys and wherefores are irrelevant; the point is that it didn't work out as I had hoped AND ENVISAGED it would (to my long-term benefit). It was heartbreaking. But it didn't shatter me, nor should it have, (a) because I had kind of expected it (the signs had been unmistakably there for months), and (b) because it is of perfectly no benefit to retrospect in any way except to learn from one's mistakes, if any. Funnily enough, I haven't given up on finding that one true love.
Now, the thing about (not) giving people another chance. All right, perhaps I came across as too harsh on that. I don't think one should sever a person who screws up, be it once, be it twice, be it more times. But with every such failure it is only natural that the level of trust on your part would be severely impaired. People who lie to you, betray you, abandon you, ignore you or otherwise let you down have to be genuinely sorry in order to merit resuming their erstwhile position in your life. Of course, since--if you'll forgive my chauvinism for a moment
--"words are men's daughters, but G-d's sons are things" (ie. deeds), saying "Boohoo, I'm sorry" can not cut it in even slightly serious situations. The action of recompense has to be proportional to AND EXCEED the offending act. Only that way can one be sure that the offending party has truly experienced remorse. (More on this in one of my subsequent pieces on the futility of the punitive criminal justice system.) If you reinstate someone in your life on the basis of sentiment and a few apologies, then sorry but you're a fool. But either way, do NOT let ANY derogations of necessity from your plan(s) throw you off. I'm just saying: expect the unexpected, don't put all your eggs in one basket, and if one of the baskets should fall and its eggs get broken, you can then pick up where you left off sans difficulte.
OK, before this blog becomes an online Oprah show, I'll move on.
Oh, and I got one e-mail lambasting my grammar. OK, not lambasting; just pointing out I had some spelling errors. So I reread a few of my previous posts and it turned out the person was correct. I couldn't believe some of the mistakes I'd made. Well, for all previous and future such instances I apologize. I am, however, way too busy to read each installment several times to be able to spy each little error. Live with it!
Kol tuv!!
ARCHIVED ENTRIES:
LINKS: